The Healing Roundabout & the OutLoving Expressway

The Healing Roundabout & the OutLoving Expressway

After a rejection, you’ll find yourself at a Y junction (a threeway road). One road that leads to obsession, addiction, and infatuation of the one/thing that was lost and the other that leads to hate, anger and resentment towards the one/thing that was lost.

But if you take the time look closely and analyze the Y junction you are standing on you’ll soon figure out that you are in fact not standing on a Y junction but at a crossroad and there are not three but four pathways from where you are standing (the 4th one being the one you came from which has little to none chance of being an option).

The two directions the one that leads to the right and the one that leads to the left both align with the crossroad you had before. the right one leading to obsession and the left to resentment and if you see it from the geometrical point of you taking neither one leads to progress only stagnation on the spot.

But the blurry one that’s ahead, now that’s the road to progress, the road of moving on. So what does this road offer? I call this road the OutLoving expressway. It has its procedure

  1. The first step is understanding rejection is not an emotion but a mix of emotions, two be specific. One is the sense of Unreciprocated Love due to the fact the person/thing you hoped for either doesn’t feel the same way or is impossible to get due to circumstances living you with a with something you’re holding that no-one will take. And the other is the sense of Unworthiness. Understanding this is like a doctor realizing from his/her patient’s symptoms that the patient has two infections, so enabling him to diagnose both rather than trying to come up with one diagnosis for both. Now you know you are working with two emotions you can manage them separately.
  2. For the Unreciprocated Love, you will take it to the place where you’re sure they will receive to friends and family. You’ll up the game. You start showing affection to those who do love you. That by itself might not be sufficient, you might need to go out and start meeting new people while strengthing the already existing bonds (friends and family). The best way to do this is to join clubs (volunteer) or start fun classes (cooking, dancing…). And immediately start to notice the love for that particular person/thing being equated in magnitude. Now you need to remember one thing, your aim is healing and not getting cure which is much better in the sense you’ll be stronger and more immune to your previous self.
  3. For the decline in self-worth, you need to start working on your hobbies, dreams and that personal projects you were putting of for later.

The graph for before and after overloving experience

Some say heartbreaks are the best time to do life transformation in all aspects (lifestyle, fashion, eating habits, sports, occupation) because as the great wisdom quote goes

“For a tree’s branches to stretch into the heavens,

its roots must reach into hell”

and guess what you’re already in hell there is only one way to go.

This is the best time to start a new business or a new endeavor. If you don’t believe me look at all the great thinkers, builders of the world. All the greatest inventions came after a great personal grief. The place you are at gives you the perfect mix of senses of hopelessness and faithfulness which is the best time for taking that leap of faith. You should say to yourself

“If I’m bound to fail shooting for the roof; might as well shoot for the stars…

at least I’ll enjoy the ride.”

You’ll develop a somewhat crazy confidence in the fact that if realistic goal like a sensible relationship or securing a good job takes all your energy without return, why not completely reverse it and make it enormously big like instead of investing all your energy into a single relationship… start a community instead of trying to secure a job build one, instead of grieving over the loss of a loved one, celebrate their life by hosting a party. For there is no problem in life, only challenges. Everything is going to come to an end, We are all going to die, it’s never the question of who gets to live the most nor evading death, the question is making the time between two non-existence (pre-birth and death) worth the while.

Dagmawi Bedilu

Dagmawi Bedilu is an aspiring Entrepreneur, Software Engineer, Game Designer and a Game-Thinking Activist with an appetite for both, Science and Arts. He has worked as a Senior Software Architect for Ethiopia’s biggest IT Company, designing and developing Location-Based Systems. As an entrepreneur, he has founded the social enterprise gursha.org and co-founded the game-thinking company Chewata Awaqi. In 2017 and in 2019 , he was a speaker at the Gamescom in Cologne and A Maze in Berlin, Germany. He is now a Project Coordinator and Game Thinking Lead for the ambitions Afro-futuristic project, EnterAfrica, where 15 Teams from 15 African Countries with 15 Visions come together to reimagine their Cities’ future through 15 Games, thus planting the seed for the start of an African Creative Gaming Industry. Dagmawi has one vision “Selling Joy in Jars”. He describes himself the real jack of all trades, an observer and traveler of time. A true believer of Love, Light, Luck, Life and… Laughter :)

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