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The Healing Roundabout & the OutLoving Expressway

After a rejection, you’ll find yourself at a Y junction (a threeway road). One road that leads to obsession, addiction, and infatuation of the one/thing that was lost and the other that leads to hate, anger and resentment towards the one/thing that was lost.

But if you take the time and look closely and analyze the Y junction you are standing on, you’ll soon figure out that you are in fact not standing on a Y junction but at a crossroad (a + junction) and there are not three but four pathways from where you are standing (the 4th one being the one you came from which has little to none chance of being an option).

The two directions, the one that leads to the right and the one that leads to the left both go sideways and never ahead. Neither one leads to progress only stagnation on the spot.

But the blurry one that’s ahead, now that’s the road to progress, the road of moving on. So what does this road offer? I call this road the OutLoving expressway. It has its procedure

  1. The first step is understanding rejection is not an emotion but a mixture of various emotions, two be specific. One is the sense of Unreciprocated Love due to the fact the person/thing you hoped to make your own either doesn’t feel the same way, or event if they did feel the same way it they’re impossible to get due to the circumstances, timing and other factors leaving you holding love that no-one is willing to take. And the second emotion is the sense of Unworthiness, you feel you don’t deserve love or that you are unwanted, you a lesser being. You are not worthy of anything that is good and the world has rejected you completely and that the only thing that’s left for you in the future is pain and suffering. Understanding this, understand that you’re working with not one but two emtions is like a doctor realizing for the first time from his/her patient’s symptoms that the patient has two diseases and not one, so enabling him to diagnose both rather than trying to come up with one diagnosis for both assuming the patient has only one disease. This leads the doctor treating the wrong disease or even making it worse by the medication he is prescibing. And the same goes rejuctions, once you know you are working with two emotions you can manage them separately without one remedy affecting the other.
  2. For the Unreciprocated Love, you will to go to a place where you’re sure they will receive your love; to friends and to family, to the helpless. You’ll up the game. You start showing affection to those who do love you. That by itself might not be sufficient, you might need to go out and start meeting new people while strengthing the already existing bonds (friends and family). The best way to do this is to join clubs (volunteer) or start fun classes (cooking, dancing…). And immediately you start to notice the love that seemed so big for that particular person/thing who’ve rejucted you being equated in magnitude. Now you need to remember one thing, your aim is healing and not getting cured which is much better in the sense you’ll be stronger and more immune to your previous self.

The graph for before and after overloving experience

   3.  For the decline in self-worth, you need to start working on your hobbies, dreams and that personal projects you were putting of for later. The best remedy for regaining self-worth is to find ones purpose in life, to be of importance, to serve those who need it. And in this, one can regain self-wroth. One needs to do this not for the sake getting over a crush but to even get through life in the most graceful way.

Some say heartbreaks are the best time to do life transformation in all aspects (lifestyle, fashion, eating habits, sports, occupation) because as the great wisdom quote goes

“For a tree’s branches to stretch into the heavens, its roots must reach into hell”

and guess what you’re already in hell and there is only one way to go, which is up.

This is the best time to start a new business or a new endeavor. If you don’t believe me look at all the great thinkers, builders of the world. All the greatest inventions came after a great personal grief. The place you are at, gives you the perfect mix of senses of hopelessness and faithfulness which is the best time for taking that leap of faith. You should say to yourself

“If I’m bound to fail shooting for the roof; might as well shoot for the stars… at least I’ll enjoy the ride.”

You’ll develop a somewhat crazy confidence in the fact that if realistic goal like a sensible relationship or securing a good job takes all your energy without return, why not completely reverse it and make it enormously big like instead of investing all your energy into a single relationship… start a community instead of trying to secure a job build one, instead of grieving over the loss of a loved one, celebrate their life by hosting a party. For there is no problem in life, only challenges. Everything is going to come to an end, We are all going to die, it’s never the question of who gets to live the most nor evading death, the question is making the time between two non-existences, two singularites (pre-birth and death) worth the while.

Dagmawi Bedilu

Dagmawi Bedilu is an aspiring Entrepreneur, Software Engineer, Game Designer and a Game-Thinking Activist with an appetite for both, Science and Arts. He has worked as a Senior Software Architect for Ethiopia’s biggest IT Company, designing and developing Location-Based Systems. As an entrepreneur, he has founded the social enterprise and co-founded the game-thinking company Chewata Awaqi. In 2017 and in 2019 , he was a speaker at the Gamescom in Cologne and A Maze in Berlin, Germany. He is now a Project Coordinator and Game Thinking Lead for the ambitions Afro-futuristic project, EnterAfrica, where 15 Teams from 15 African Countries with 15 Visions come together to reimagine their Cities’ future through 15 Games, thus planting the seed for the start of an African Creative Gaming Industry. Dagmawi has one vision “Selling Joy in Jars”. He describes himself the real jack of all trades, an observer and traveler of time. A true believer of Love, Light, Luck, Life and… Laughter :)

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